Monday, October 17, 2011

Being Happy


It’s been a crazy weekend. Friday night my "boyfriend" dropped by and admitted that we were on two totally different pages with our relationship. In short, he was breaking up with me. I was pretty upset, although not entirely surprised. He was afraid I’d give him the cold shoulder, like the last time he broke up with me back in middle school, but this time we're both a lot more mature. And I know I’ve done the right thing by choosing to make sure our friendship doesn’t even waver; any boy who will comfort you while you cry on his shoulder because he just broke up with you is an amazing friend, no matter what else is going on. 
 To be honest, if it wasn’t so unpleasant, I’d have someone break up with me every couple weeks, just for the poetic inspiration it provides. I got three or four good ones out of an hour long walk I took, tears still wet on my cheeks. I’ll link to them, I think, when I get around to posting them on FictionPress. I also recalled some beautiful lyrics from Wicked (a musical I adore!) that fit the situation really well:
Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart…

Despite the inevitable sadness, I think this was a good experience for me. I’ve dated this boy before, and after we broke up, I’m not sure I ever fully moved on. Hopefully this will do the trick. In any case, I enjoyed the hell out of a lot of moments we had together, and that’s what counts.
On a less angsty-teenager note, this past Saturday we had Pre-OFSAA here in Ottawa, and it was super exciting. I didn’t have my best race, not nearly, but I had a solid last two kilometres, and I absolutely enjoyed the day. Although my best friend and I have decided that we really do have a personal raincloud, since at the past two meets we’ve attended, although it’s threatened rain all day, the only races to actually get rained on were ours!
Even as we get ever closer to our final meets and the cross-country season begins to end, NaNoWriMo season is starting up. I’m so excited already that it’s kind of pathetic. This year I’m hoping to ‘pants’ it for a lot of the plot, but I want to start with a solid understanding of who my characters are and what the world they inhabit is like. I also want to focus on getting ahead in the early days and writing fewer empty words. I hope to get more into the emotions of my characters and just generally write better. I doubt that resolution will survive NaNo’s start, but one can always hope :)
I’ll post more in the coming weeks about NaNo and my as yet untitled novel. Hopefully some of you will join me in the epic quest for 50 000 words in November! Check out the NaNoWriMo website at www.nanowrimo.org. (Yes, I recruit everywhere - I can’t help it, NaNo is just that awesome!)
In closing, I just want to reiterate how thankful I am for all the wonderful people/experiences in my life. Losing the romantic part of one relationship doesn’t change a thing (except that it may take a while for me to stop checking him out). Even though I lost something I had high hopes for this week, I am happy, and super proud of myself for it.

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