So I have a few posts in various states of readiness and I just can't seem to get my act together enough to put one up.
And I sleep a lot and want to skip class and oscillate between not really caring about my grades (which okay, for me still means I want 80+, but it's a big change from high school), and having all these goals and plans and maybe only halfheartedly folowing through.
And even though I have lots of people I can talk to and crash their group at dinners and even text, I often feel like I have no friends around (in meatspace. you guys online are great. just different.)
And even though today I found out that I'm having a piece I wrote used in a variant on the vagina monologues in my school, and that I've made the nordic ski race team, and I've been overjoyed about those two things -
I still feel like there's too much to do, like I'm overcommitted and stretched too thin and I don't have any support and I don't know what to do. I feel like my life is falling apart. But it's not really. These are just feelings I get semi-regularly.
Or maybe it's that while I have the strongest sense of self-confidence of anyone I know (to the point where it's a bad thing sometimes), I am also incredibly self-critical and I'm not sure it's healthy.
Is this normal in the first year away from home? Even after a successful first semester?
I think I need to talk to someone about all of this.
But I don't even have time to go get a flu shot. When do I have time to figure out myself and my life?
You all have better things to do than talk a whiny 18 year old through growing up, but every small supportive comment or tweet is appreciated.
(I debated about putting this up. But what the hell... better this than nothing, and I think I feel a bit better for having written and shared this. And then going and listening to epic Broadway music. That always helps. But it's frustrating to feel so up and then so down.)